Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Terrible idea I love it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
