Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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