No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
