His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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