It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
