that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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