I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
