Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize