Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
