I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize