she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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