I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
