I got chris browned last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
