Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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