I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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