I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
