Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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