Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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