wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
