Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
