covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
