Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize