When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
