We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The ass gains better be worth it
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