Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
