In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
