just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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