You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
