You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
