I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
