I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
