i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
