I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The uberlube is also flammable
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
