I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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