he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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