Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
