A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
