i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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