OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
