i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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