i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize