Im at strip club and am horny
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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