since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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