I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
