Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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