i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
