god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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