I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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