hotel room ftw
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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