They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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