i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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