are you so shy because you have an std?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize