Pappa wants mamma naked
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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