Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
