Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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