your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
