If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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