it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
