so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I believe in your delicious
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
