ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
