he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
