Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
