I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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