would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize