I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize