i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's always time for handjobs
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
