she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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