There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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