How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize