Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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