i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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