Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

That's when you crack a 10am beer

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.

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(408): View more from California

dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio

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(302): View more from Delaware

Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?

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(410): View more from Maryland

Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.

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(206): View more from Washington

The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.

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