Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
that's an acceptable place to lick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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