Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
