We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
